New Quest, Old Problem

So, the insomnia bug has hit me again. But this time, I decided to try and actually fix the situation. I went to the doctor and told my very sad story to the NP. I don't think I've actually seen my M.D. in the last 5 or 6 times I've been there. Anyways, she decides that what I need to do is reset my internal sleep clock.

Hmm. OK, sounds good to me. She gave my 2 weeks worth of the sleeping drug Ambien. This is supposed to be some really good stuff - puts you right out and keeps you there for a minimum of 8 hours. She warned me thoroughly about how to use this drug. Make sure that you are completely ready to go to bed before taking the med. Make sure that you have already washed your face and brushed your teeth. It would even be best to take the pill while you are already in bed, under the covers.

OK - these warnings are a little scary - makes me think that the second I swallow the pill, I am going to literally have my head hit the pillow. And in 2 weeks, all will be well and I can get on with my life. Now, keep in mind, that because of the time that I have to get up for work, and then get up even earlier to hit the gym in the a.m. (because insomniacs should always workout at the ass-crack of dawn, so as not to disturb their "schedule"), my bedtime is now 9:00 p.m. I'm 32 years old, with a full time job, a more-than-full time business and my own house to take care of. And I have to be in bed every night at 9 p.m. My first thought? When the hell am I supposed to get things done? Like laundry. And cleaning. And eating. And running my business. (We're skipping the workout question - because no way I can get up that early, leave my house and then be expected to come back and quickly get ready for work).

But, I'm game for this experiment. Because I'm TIRED! All the time. I can barely keep my eyes open at work, which is a problem because at this new job, I actually have WORK to do.

So, I prep myself appropriately on the first night. I can't even explain how excited I am to have this sleep opportunity in front of me. I get all ready for bed and take the pill once I'm all snuggled in and then wait for happy sleep to envelope me.

And wait.
And wait.
And wait.

I think I finally fell asleep about an hour and a half later. This is a new record for me in the falling-asleep time frame. Oh, and no dreaming at all during the night. Which is difficult anyways because I wake up about every 30-45 minutes all night long.

This exact same scenario has been playing itself out for 2 weeks, every night. This amazing drug is CRAP!! It doesn't make you fall asleep. It doesn't keep you asleep.

Oh, wait, except for the couple of nights that I didn't take the drug because I was so fed up with it. On those nights, I laid awake for a minimum of 4 hours, waiting to fall asleep. Even on nights when I took regular sleeping pills. Now, after the third night of this, I called the doctor and told her that I wasn't going to take it anymore. I was promptly instructed to stay the course, because at the end of the 2 weeks, there would be a world of difference.

World of difference is right! I can barely stay awake to drive to work. I'm a total mess. My house is a disaster, there are no clean clothes to be found anywhere. I am getting literally ZERO sleep and still trying to function as a human being. I have a follow-up appointment on Wednesday. If I can stay awake for it, I am going to give that NP an earful!!

The New Frontier

So, today was the first day of the rest of my life. I've made a few behind the scenes changes in the last few days, but today I ventured into. . .The Gym. I actually had a pretty good workout - may arms are going to be sore as soon as they come out of shock.

My cousin is a personal trainer and I finally asked for some advice on how to get my ass going in the opposite direction that it has been going for the last several months. I had to go to the doctor recently to get help with why I can't sleep at night, and of course, there was the required standing on the scale. I cried. No, really, I actually cried. I can't believe where that number is - and it's a far-cry from where I want it to be. Thus, the call to the aforementioned cousin.

Of course, that nasty little number (actually large, but no one but the nurse and I saw exactly how large) is probably the cause of a lot of my sleeping issues. So, it's time to deal with it. I'm clearly not getting any younger which means it is going to continue to get harder and harder to reach the look I want to have. And believe, me I see in my mind exactly what the image is and I WANT IT!!

What's Your Seduction Style.

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement. You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you. By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power. And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatisyourseductionstylequiz/">What Is Your Seduction Style?

OK - this was a fun little quiz that I picked up off a friend's My Space page. I loved her background image as well - will have to ask her where she got it from!

Slowly Coming Back to Center

I am finally finding myself getting back in control of my life. I spent a huge portion of the weekend just cleaning up the clutter in my world, both literal and figurative. It's amazing to me how just putting away the laundry makes me feel better about the universe. I am no where near where I would like to be, as is evidenced by the three bags sitting to my left that still need to be put away from my long weekend a while ago, but at least they aren't in the living room anymore.

It also helps that my boss is out of town for the week. Again. This gives me a lot of time to really explore my job and read old files to understand better what my role in the department is. I actually felt a feeling of relief this past Wednesday during a meeting when he told me that I was doing a phenomenal job and he was truly impressed that I have caught on to the department so quickly.

It's so nice to be appreciated!!

Have you Ever?

Have you ever run into an old flame? While with your dad? At the tire store?

Yes - this happened to me today. What an incredibly awkward experience. Now, I hold no ill-will towards the former flame, but admittedly, it was still really weird. I needed tires - BADLY - considering the major blow-out at highway speeds that I had this past Saturday and knew that I would get a decent deal from my friend's husband. However, I had completely forgotten that "former flame" also worked there, until, of course, he came in from the dock area. Can you say completely crazy?!?

He still looks pretty good.

Random Reactions Upon Learning About My Business

I decided that I would immortalize some of the reactions of people when they've learned about my business. I know that it will always be an interesting ride, seeing people's expressions, but, never-the-less, certainly worth recording for all digital history. Or until I screw something up and accidentally delete this blog. So, here we go. . .

"C, we have to go to church and pray for her." - my aunt to her husband. I made sure to ask her to pray that I make a lot of money while she was there.

"Well, I guess there's a market for that kind of stuff." - my dad, who has since become one of my biggest cheerleaders in this endeavor.

"Are you a Madame? Can you hook me up?" - one of my single guy-friends. This one perplexes me - does he think that I was once a prostitute? He swears he was kidding, but, you never know. Of course, then he asked what my biggest seller is. Then blushed when I told him. Priceless!

"You're doing what?!? Are you kidding?!?! That's crazy!!!! Can I see a catalog?" - My aunt's sister. She was beside herself, but still thought it was cool.

More to come, I'm sure.

Type-A is on Vacation

When did my type-A world spin so out of control? I can't even begin to remember. All I know is that all of a sudden my house was a complete mess and nothing, but nothing, was keeping it picked up.

I had a friend over recently and the only comment made was, "This isn't you. What's going on with you?" I honestly have no idea. The only thing that I do know is that this is now causing me to lose sleep. It's 2:50 a.m. and I'm awake, looking at the piles.

I finally weeded through about 2 weeks of unopened mail. Yeah. I'm in some sort of weird funk that I can't seem to find my way out of. No idea when the end may be in sight, although just getting through that mail is probably a good start. Long ago I found a crazy woman on the internet and I started to follow her advice, which worked for a while. I fell off that bandwagon and clearly, I need to GET BACK ON!!

I'm going to go drink a glass of milk and see if that helps.

In Love with Franklin

I had a glorious weekend away with five great ladies! A lot of fun, a lot of laughing, a lot of drinks and very little scrapbooking accomplished.

It was almost tarnished, however, upon the realization that I am in love with Franklin!

Who is Franklin? Franklin is my lifeline and I now know that I can't live without him, or at least I can't live for very long without him. Yes, Franklin is my day planner that I am supposed to take with me everywhere I go. I accidentally left it on my desk on the last day of my week before my long weekend away. I thought I could go without it, but by dinner on Thursday, I was almost in a cold sweat over it. That thing holds my entire life's existence - all of my business stuff, all of my to-do lists, ideas that I jot down, an occasional journal entry, goals, finances, EVERYTHING!

I was so distraught over this seemingly unimportant thing that I found myself up at 6 a.m. on Friday morning seriously contemplating driving BACK to Denver from the mountains, just to go in to work and get the stupid thing.

I won't even go into the enormous feeling of calm that came over me on Monday morning when I arrived at my desk and saw my wonderful Franklin waiting there for me. . .

I need a life!!

Has it really been 4 months?

I can't believe that it's been four months since I last posted to my own blog. Where have I been? Many, many places.

The business has been busy, but alas, not as busy as I would like it to be. I've decided that I need to make the full commitment to doing this and that it's time to take the turn to either going with it, or to understand that it will just be a hobby.

I'm going away for a few days this weekend with friends and this will mark the official end of my not being serious about several things in my life. Like my business, and losing the weight that I keep complaning about and finding contentment with the life of a single person. I am of that certain age where it's time to take life seriously and concede that the fun that people claim life can be is just one big lie. It's all work. Every minute. Of every day. Fun takes work too, so it's now time to get to it.

On Another Note

One of the ladies that I work with had started a new relationship and I've been having such fun living vicariously through her. She and I have a lot in common when it comes to dating - we both have major trust issues and are always looking for bad things to happen. Happily for her, things seem to be going quite well between them.

She gives me hope!!

Life's Fun Little Chores

I've been spending some time today doing one of those fun chores that we all love to do - shop for new insurance. I hate doing this. I really hate that I want it done and overwith before the 20th of this month so I don't have to pay another dime to my current company. I hate my current company. They keep taking my premium payments before the day they are supposed to, and it's wreaking havoc on my checking account. Yes, I know, it would be easier if I would just have extra money in my account, then I wouldn't have to worry about such things. But, reality is a far-cry from the dream-world where there's this big buffer in your account so that you never ever have to worry about when anything hits your account. Who lives in that fantasy land anyways?

Oh, and I also hate my insurance company because they refuse to write a business liability policy on my car. They find my business "distasteful". That's what the agent actually told me. When I asked her if she really meant immoral, she refused to answer. I told her that there are other companies out there that I know for a fact will write the policy and she actually challenged me to find one - she said that no insurance company would approve of coverage for such an outlandish business. I gave her the name of the company that I plan to go with and she didn't believe me - her loss, and the other company's gain.

I Can't Believe I Forgot

to post in huge letters that I'M FINISHED WITH COLLEGE. Yes, it's true, I have finally caught up witht he holy grail of educational acheivements. At least to me!!

I had an open house at my parents house, which was very nice until my aunt and my grandfather (who's 96, mind you), practically got into a fisticuffs over having to be around one another. I knew there would be a little tension, but didn't think it would be that bad. Now my aunt is threatening to sue all of her siblings to ensure that she doesn't get cut out of the will. Let me tell ya - there ain't nothin' to be fightin' over - there's nothing left!! She's usually all talk and no action, but I can't tell you how exhausting it is to hear my mother rehash the day over and over and over and over and, well, you get the picture. But all in all, it was a very nice day, complete with visits from family that I haven't seen in quite a while.

The big event was on Mother's Day - yes, the school, in it's infinite wisdom decided to hold graduation on Mother's Day. What an event it was - 1300 graduates (thankfully, only about half showed up to walk) and a room at the convention center filled with thousands and thousands of people - what a nightmare. We didn't even walk in to the traditional "Pomp and Circumstance". Nope, it was some weird song that was being sung by a guy and a choir of young kids. The president of the university will be getting many angry emails from all of the graduates - and certainly from me. How lame. I was at least able to fein "sick mother" and leave right after my name was called, although I was interrogated by no less than three professors and a convention center worker as to why I was leaving. Sometimes it's good to have a sick mom!

It's so hard to fathom that I am truly done with school - although, I'm so ticked off that I didn't get to hear the right music that I might just have to go get my Master's degree, just so there will be another opportunity to hear it!

Only 1 test and 1 paper to go!

Yep - I now only have a couple more things to do in order to be officially done with college. Isn't it amazing how this goal seemed so huge for so long, and now it's here!! I can hardly believe it.

I had a friend ask me the other day what I plan to do with all of my spare time. I had not idea how to answer. But this morning, I started thinking about what I really want out of life and what the right answer to that question is.

So, what do I want out of life, now that I don't have excuses anymore?

Contentment.

Above all else, I want to feel content with the decisions that I make on a day to day basis and I want to be able to know at the end of each day that I did something to bring myself closer to all of my worldly goals.

Admittedly, my list of goals is incredibly long right now and mostly has to do with finances and security for the future, but they are all reasonable and attainable in a relatively short amount of time, which makes it even more exciting to work towards them.

It's now time to spread my wings and see where my determination can really take me.

Random Thoughts

I was perusing the internet while at work today and came across a list of billionaire bachelors. It was quite interesting to read what they have done to become billionaires. There's the run of the mill, I-inherited-it-from-my-great-grandfather-and-am-now-living-off-of-his-hard-work types, and of course the one or two that have somehow managed to be in the right place at the right time (like being buddies with someone who's looking for another person to take over their Middle Eastern oil business because they're just too rich now to bother with working), and then there are the very small handfuls who have actually started their own business and worked hard and now they have this gigantic bank account. One of these hard worker-types is actually from Canada (you know how the name Canada was chosen, right? See the end of the post to find out). He's only 44. He set up a system to do legal online gambling. He had to set up companies in different countries in order to bypass a few laws, and runs his operations out of Costa Rica, but hey, who wouldn't want to live their life in a beautiful tropical place?

Why do people find it necessary to completely disregard a meeting that is going on between two admins and just plop down all kinds of other work and ask really stupid questions - even after they're told that they are interrupting an actual meeting? People are so rude.

Who's bright idea was it to start the very first "Get to know your friends better" quizzes that are going over the internet? Admittedly, I've done a few and forwarded them on, but this week is out of control! I think I've deleted about 9 of them. I vow to never forward another one of these on again. I promise, if I'm curious about something regarding one of my friends, I'll just ask you, and be done with it!!

Why do companies invent really tasty foods, or wonderful shades of lipstick, or insert other item of joy here, only to discontinue it about 12 minutes after releasing it to the public? This would include the fact that SP has discontinued one of my best-selling products. Yes, I realize that I've only had 3 parties, but I've sold multiples of this at every one of them. Frustrating!

When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?

Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours, why are there locks on the doors?

Why do the British keep insisting on driving on the wrong side of the road? We really should sucede from them and start our own country and do things right for a change. Better yet, shouldn't Tony Blair sucede from us and try to get his country to stand on it's own? There's a thought.

Why are people that have so much more education and life experience than me, so completely stupid?

When you get promoted to management, is the procedure that you are required to endure that removes your brain, including all ability to do simple things like use a copy machine or find the BOLD function in MSWord, a painful one, or does your memory of such procedure also get deleted?

And finally - how the name Canada was chosen for our friends to the north:

Someone put all of the letters of the alphabet into a bag. Some super-patriotic person was chosen to be the one to draw out letters and come up with a name. So this super-patriotic Canadian reaches into the bag and says:

"C-eh"
"N-eh"
"D-eh"

And now we have - C-ehN-ehD-eh. Or, as the American's spell it: C-A-N-A-D-A.

Why can't the world be simple like that?

Spring Break

I've been on Spring Break this week. It's absolutely crazy how tired I've been all week long! I think it's because I'm actually allowing myself to relax and be lazy, which I can't do on a normal day. I was in a meeting this morning and I had this gigantic yawn right when someone asked me a question - I actually apologized profusely because the timing of it was so rude (not intentional, mind you, but still rude). Everybody just laughed and we all went along our merry way, but still!

It's been a very pleasant week, allowing myself to be lazy and watch tv and movies in the evening. I usually have a six foot table set up in my living room so that I can work on things while I'm watching tv, but this week, I put the table away so that I can lay on the couch and just be. What glory!

What am I going to do with all of my time once I graduate?

Pirates, they be!

My pirate name is:

Iron Bess Read

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Even through many pirates have a reputation for not being the brightest souls on earth, you defy the sterotypes. You've got taste and education. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Things I'm Thankful For

Sometimes I get so caught up in worrying about things and wondering why seemingly bad stuff happens, that I forget to think about all of the good things that go on in my life. So, what are the things that I'm thankful for?

1. I'm truly thankful for my overall health. I've known many people who aren't as lucky as me and hearing about their day to day challenges makes me take pause and realize that life could so much more challenging if not for my health.

2. I'm thankful that I've had the opportunity to finish my college degree. Some days it's really hard to sit down and finish a paper or read a chapter or do research, but overall, I'm lucky to even be able to have this opportunity. So many people are never able to go to college at all and for me to have fought through and done it while being a working adult is fantastic. And, a college education is something that can never be taken away from me.

3. I'm thankful that I have a job. I don't necessarily like my job every day, but I'm glad that I at least have a job. I have also been given some flexibility in my schedule that has allowed me to not only finish my degree, but also take care of day to day things that an inflexible schedule wouldn't have ever allowed. This job also provides me with my health insurance and my retirement plan, which is great!

4. I am thankful that slowly but surely, there is starting to be more money left over at the end of each month. I have struggled with this for quite a while and I am finally starting to see the light at the end of this dark tunnel. It's such a great feeling that lately, after all of my bills are paid, there's still a little left over. The left over isn't much, for sure, BUT, at least there's more money than month!!

5. Because of #4 above, I am thankful that I have been able to invest in a new business, that although is not yet profitable in the sense that I can buy things for myself, or send anything extra to bills, I have at least made back my initial investment and have used that to continue investing in inventory and demo products. There will come a time, very soon, where I won't have to use anything out of my personal funds to support the business, and then after that, I will be able to start paying myself some type of salary in order to reap the rewards of my hard work.

6. I am thankful for my family - my parents in particular. They have, of course, always been there for me, but they have been especially helpful the last few years as I was starting my life over and becoming more independent each day. My dad has even started to help me with the organization of my business, which is a huge help to me!

7. I am thankful for my friends - I have several separate groups of friends and I cherish each of them. My girfriends from my childhood are the best friends that anyone could ever ask for - we are all so completely different and live completely different lives, but when we come together for anything, the bond is something truly inspiring. They have been with me through every single step of my life (a couple of them since kindergarten!) and know me better than anyone, and yet, they still talk to me! You have to love that about them!

So, my list is a little short, but it's at least something that I can reflect on and see how far I have come in the last few years. There was a time when the only thing I had was maybe one or two of these things at one time, so it's nice to see the list growing. I'm looking forward to the next things that I can add.

Less than 8 weeks to go!

So, I realized this week that I officially have less than 8 weeks of school left. Not in the semester, but in total. It's so hard to believe how close it's really getting to the "Big Day". It's been a very long six and a half years working toward this degree. And now I'm to the point where I can truly start the countdown.

So, what will I do with all of my free time? I honestly have no idea at this point. It's going to be interesting to see how I manage to keep myself going - I'm so used to being busy and blowing off homework in order to do other things. Now, I won't really have anything to blow off. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. I guess we'll see once that day arrives.

Who knows, maybe I'll finally take the time to start writing a book or something else equally ambitious.

Did you know?

Did you know that there is practically an unending list of things that are tax deductible when you own your own business? I am learning new things every single day.

A good portion of my rent, phone, cell, internet and utility bills can be written off. Part of the "good portion" is because my place is so small and all of my business stuff is all over the place!!

I get to write off the cost of the swanky new color printer/fax/copier/scanner that I got for such a good deal at the warehouse store. Very cool!

I get to write off all of the expenses involved, including the purchase of things like stationary and shipping supplies.

Oh, and get this - I get to write off all of the things that I have to buy for my demos - so each thing out of the catalog, is eventually free to me, as a cost of doing business. Kind of scary when you think about it!

The best part? The retirement plan that I can now open. SEP-IRA. I am able to put away something like $40K a year if I wanted to. And, since it's my own business, the moola is tax sheltered, AND, I'm 100% vested at all times. Definitely going to have to look into that and get it started. Hey, even if I only put away five grand this year, that's a heck of a lot more progress than the 401(k) at my "real" jon that I've been chipping away at for the last several years.

Going to need to seriously look into that plan!

I'm now visible

Well, my first post since admitting to some of my closest friends what my blog address is. Now it's sort of scary knowing that people will be reading this. OK, maybe not so much scary, just a certain sense of awareness.

It snowed in Denver today pretty much all day, but nothing has really stuck to the ground and nothing accumulated on the streets. Of course, you would have thought that the world's worst blizzard had hit with the way people were driving. Over-cautious to the point of dangerous - oh, and don't get me started on the blue hair that was trying to navigate (I use that word loosely) the roundabouts near where I work. That was probably the most scared that I've been in quite a while.

And while I'm thinking about it, what purpose do roundabouts serve? Seriously. I've seen more near misses, and know several people not fortunate enough to only have a near miss, than I think should be allowed under DOT laws. Were they invented to keep insurance adjusters and tow truck drivers in the lifestyles to which they have become accustomed? Just put in a 4-way stop people - it's so much easier. Although not as commical, when you're perched in the 3rd floor bistro at work, watching it all unfold from a safe distance. Now that's entertainment when you're supposed to be working.

Sick mind, Sick mind!