Monday, April 16, 2007

Physical Clutter is a Reflection of Mental Clutter

I read this statement today and it pretty much hit me like a ton of bricks. My personal living space has gotten out of control (again) and I haven't been able to figure out what my problem is. This statement is the only thing that has made any sense to me in the last month. And it's little wonder.

I am currently trying to close on a house, which includes all the minute detail involved with finally separating myself entirely from my ex-husband. Plus trying to pick a moving date, coordinating the escape of my current lease and deciding whether it's just easier to hire movers than to attempt to ask anyone to help me to move, which, incidentally, has never worked in the past. It usually ends up that it's just me and my dad moving me somewhere. Super fun and entirely too tiring.

I am also trying to research cars to buy, which is a lot harder than it sounds. I'm running out of time to do this and the stress is building. Quickly.

Still dealing with the theft from my garage. I did get the first check from the insurance company so I can get my electronics replaced. They are giving me a huge hassle regarding replacing all of my business product. I now have to provide and excel spreadsheet with each item written out, the retail price, my cost, and whether each item is net or retail. Did I mention that I've already submitted a list of everything stolen? And that I had to get SP Corporate involved? They had to fax a letter to the insurance agency explaining that I purchase things at a discount and then sell them to customers at retail price. Hasn't American Family Insurance ever heard of running a business?

I am starting to not like my day job. At all. I can't stand the fact that I own my own business, where I make every single decision, and yet I have to stand at a copy machine during the day and take orders from other people. I hate it. And there's nothing I can do about it.

I am trying to run a business in my spare time, which is eating me alive. I am so tired all of the time and can't find the energy to stay awake after I get off from my day job to do the customer service that my customers deserve. I booked 4 parties on Thursday night. Have I mailed anything out? Have I followed up? I haven't even written the thank you note to the hostess from Saturday afternoon and it's already Monday.

And I'm supposed to be training to do a 150 mile bike ride in July. I can't fit in going to the gym.

Somewhere in here I have to find the time to pack up my apartment in preparation for the move. Which I can already tell will be put off until the night before the movers arrive (since I will probably just hire them, since it's easier than depending on people).

Which brings me back to the state of my personal living space. Disaster. I can't manage to take the trash out. I have 6 rolling toolboxes sitting in my living room because I'm afraid to leave them in my garage for fear that they will get stolen. There are piles of paper everywhere and I never have time to deal with any of it. I can't even put away things that I have purchased recently - it's all just sitting in the shopping bags. I don't know what my problem is, but it's getting to the point where I am becoming paralyzed by the mess.

Calgon can't even take me away from my own hell.